“O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.”
this beautiful hymn is the one with which i most identify. here you have someone who, fully aware of a gift, turns away and chooses the opposite direction. a person who tries to make it on her own, toughen up, maybe even cries from time to time, but never, not ever, surrenders long enough to accept this gift. to tell the truth, she forgets about the gift and is only occasionally reminded of it, though remotely, and through the eyes of those around her. then she remembers that the gift is hers for the taking. she need only accept it. so why does she not feel worthy enough to take it? in truth, her self worth probably has nothing to do with it. rather, she is lazy and focuses only on what will be owed and expected of her in return. and eventually she comes full circle and considers once again the fact that remained there from the beginning: that the gift is freely given. she is overcome with emotion and relieved and hopeful and excited. but here is where she splits from the person who wrote this 18th century hymn. she does not ask to be shackled to His goodness. she does not outwardly admit to having left the God she loves. she does not accept the gift. instead she lets the memory of it fade once again, down a path that disappears at the horizon. and it is gone.
